Well, I promised to try to write every day, but what I'm writing today is a "come see me tomorrow" post. I spent the day with my nephew Luke today. He is about to turn 5 years old, and he wears me out and makes me feel great about myself all at once. I am completely exhausted and in a tremendous amount of pain, but I feel like I did something really rewarding and helpful today. It's worth it!! But I've learned a lot on this topic too that I really want to share, so I will discuss tomorrow.
Preview: I feel useful today because I babysat and helped my sister ..... but does that mean that I feel useless all other days? I babysat last Wednesday also, and I told my sister how good I felt about myself; she thought that was sad because it meant that I didn't feel worthy somehow on other days. She's right, I shouldn't feel that way. More tomorrow!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
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Actually, you didn't answer the question: do you feel useless other days? Just because you're not doing something "useful" doesn't automatically mean you doing something "useless": on the good days you're cooking and cleaning, knitting projects for all your friends, making sure your darling husbands doesn't buy up every needless doodad he sees, taking time out of your day to tell him you love him and believe in him - all important stuff you forget is "useful." On bad days you're doing your best to maintain that wonderful, positive spirit Mom commented on - also important, also "useful."
ReplyDeleteYour situation is unconventional (to say the least), so stop thinking in conventional terms. I've told you before and I'll remind you again now - you are the bravest person I've met and you are my shining example of what I want to be. When I was in Desert Storm, my biggest fear wasn't dying, it was to be incapacitated - I actually prayed to God to kill me rather than send me back home to Kristi maimed. YOU are living my biggest fear EVERY DAY, and you are living that life with a positivity that I shamefully admit I don't think I could come close to reaching, but having you as my friend has given me the courage to try. You are MY HERO, and if that isn't being "useful" then I don't know what is.
Cut yourself some slack, sweetie - just you being you is the most "useful" thing you can do, especially since you're now sharing your story with everyone else.
Amen to what Keith said... and he said it so well. We are all better just to be a small part of your life. I can't wait to read what tomorrow brings. Linda
ReplyDeleteWow, what can I say. Thank you, truly! That seems like such a small thing to say, but I mean it so very deeply. Thank you.
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