Saturday, April 25, 2009

Boredome yields depression!

I am knitting a baby afghan today. Who cares? What does that have to do with chronic pain? I used to be a cheerleader and a gymnast. I used to play volleyball, I roller skated, and I loved to go skiing!! Wow, I really miss skiing.

All of a sudden, I couldn't do any of those things anymore. I was left thinking about all of the things I couldn't do, and all of the things I would never get to do. I wasn't married, and now I will never walk down the aisle to my husband-to-be. I will never dance at my wedding, or anywhere else, again. I will never enjoy any of the hobbies that I loved so much.

For a long time, it was all I could think about. I would lie in my bed and cry about how unfair life was. I still had so many things that I hadn't gotten to do yet. It's a huge part of what led to my depression, and held me down for so long. I was bored! I had to make an active choice to look forward, to stop looking back at all of the things I can't do. I had to find new hobbies, and I had to carve out time every day to do them. Sitting around being bored, and thinking what you could be doing "if only...." is a recipe for depression. And once you're down, that boredom will keep you down.

I took up knitting, crocheting, scrap booking, and card making. I make afghans and baby hats, and donate them to charities. I tried art, I read a lot, I have enjoyed listening to old-time radio. I also love to put out lots of types of bird food and watch all of the different birds. It's amazing how long I can spend staring out the window "watching bird TV" as my sister termed it. There are plenty of things I can do. Do I still miss my active hobbies? You bet!! I would love to go skiing again, but it's not going to happen, and I'm okay with that.

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