As you may know, when I started this blog, I had every intention of posting every day. Okay, I missed a day here and there, I even missed three days in a row once because I was feeling lousy. Well now I've really done it: I missed two weeks!! But I have a good reason -- I'm stubborn.
My crappy, poor excuse for a body lets me down so badly. I get so angry when I run into things I can't do without lots of pain. Every now and then, usually about twice a year, I get fed up! I've just had it with limitations, I can't do things that most people take for granted, and I get so frustrated. So I do those things anyway! So there, that will teach me! Hmmmm
Well, two weeks ago, I blew right through my limitations, and boy am I paying for it. Chronic pain is akin to instant Karma. On Thursday, I took my nephew Luke to Chuck E. Cheese's place. He has a great place, Chuck does, but it's loud and chaotic and really really warm - just the way kids like it. Just the way RSD hates it!
Then I cooked all day Friday for friends of ours who just had a baby. I made four different dishes, 2-4 meals worth of each. We had some friends and family over on Saturday, who I also fed, then we visited the folks with the new baby on Sunday - and loaded their fridge and freezer. On Monday, I lapsed into semi-consciousness, unable to move with searing pain. I was a mess!
But how could I say "no" to any of those activities? Okay, maybe I could have, but I didn't want to. Dammit, I wanted to do it all!! So I did. Two weeks later, I'm still in bed, not having left the house once! Heck, I don't think I brushed my teeth and my hair in the same day since.
Now don't get me wrong, I don't regret any of what I did. I just wish I could be smarter about the choices I make. I wish I wouldn't act out of frustration, but out of reason instead. Like I said, every six months or so I have to learn that lesson again. But I think what I've learned is that it's okay to push your limitations ONCE IN A WHILE. I just need to make that choice with a clear head, not because I'm angry about the things I can't do.
I think I'm getting better at that, but it's hard - we all want to do everything. I don't like choosing between two things that I really want to do. I like to prove that I can do what I want to do. But then, I'm not quite sure who I'm needing to prove that to. If I just need to prove it to myself, then that's just being stubborn.
Friday, May 29, 2009
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I am glad to see you back! You should meet stubborn! She sits right next to me at wrk. We get into stubborn matches sometimes. I'm stubborn, but I think she is just a little more than I am. Co-workers laugh at us some days. But it doesn't affect our health thaaaaat much. Good luck figuring out what your limits are! I'm 48 and still learning too...
ReplyDeleteOur own stubbornness holds us back more than it helps us, I think. I create my own worst pain when I'm being pig-headed. But nobody likes to have limits put on them, and when it's your own body that won't do what you want it to do, it's incredibly frustrating.
ReplyDeleteOn the other side of that, I think it's my determination (sometimes we call it stubbornness) that keeps me moving forward. I could just spend my life in bed, but I refuse!! And I think that's good.
Thanks for adding your thoughts.